RE: All Good Things Come In Threes

There is something about trios that makes the world a better place.  Think about it: Wilson & Phillips, Toy Story I, II, III, 3 coins in a fountain, 3 french hens, 3 little pigs, 3 bears in Goldilocks, 3 blind mice, 3 wise men...This is the story of 3 guys who made a difference in my life!

The names of the benefactors will be withheld for their protection. It is important to note that gifts are not my love language so these 3 men went out of their way to be unique and awesome! 

Boyfriend 1 gave me California lemons.  One day he randomly asked me, "Kylee, what is your favorite smell?" I had never been asked that before and had to think for a few minutes. After a while I told him I loved the smell of Lemon Trees in San Diego (where I served my LDS mission) and the smell of Jasmine bushes. He smiled and that was that—or so I thought.  Due to his job he travelled out of state/country a lot. A few weeks later he surprised me with this leaf plate of fresh picked lemons from a tree in California. What an amazing and thoughtful gift!

Note to Self: Take the time to listen and ask great questions and you will find some of the best gifts lie in those answers.

Boyfriend 2 gave me a game and tattoos.  I was on my way to Ghana, West Africa. He wanted to give me something as a farewell gift. He brought over this amazing Safari game that he and his younger brothers/cousins/etc helped him make. There were toy safari animals and paper rivers/lakes, toilet paper holder binoculars, safari-African tattoos, and so much more. It was incredible. It was so cute and took a lot of time.  It was very thoughtful.

(Thanks Google Images)

Note to Self: Truly, sometimes the best gifts are handmade.

Boyfriend 3 gave me a park. Well, technically the park isn't mine. It was just a normal day but he knew that things had gotten a little crazy for me at work. We were driving around and then I noticed we were heading to my office. I was curious what we were doing as we drove by the office. Then he stopped the car and lead me to this little park around the corner. We sat on the swings, laughed, talked, and had a blast. He knew I love to swing on swings and they relax me. So he thought it would be good for me to know that anytime I wanted to leave work I could walk around the corner and swing.  I still go there on rough days. The thing is I had worked at my office for almost 4 months and never knew about that park.  I'm grateful he listened, knew what I needed, and gave me that park!

(Thanks Google Images)

Note to Self: The best gifts in life are free!

I know for some of you it will be hard but please refrain from asking me why I am not still dating any of these amazing men...instead pay it forward to someone you love!

More Than Enough Love

I started to feel sorry for myself a bit tonight (I've think I've earned a small pity party) but then I was overwhelmed with love. While I may not have romantic love this Valentine's Day I have more than enough love in my life. I imagine when I was in Heaven I told God I could handle just about anything if He was sure to surround me with love.

Love will come.

Tonight I'm grateful for those who love me and for those who let me love them!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2 New Wicked Awesome Places!!

Recently 2 people I love introduced me to 2 places I now love! The first place is called Gangplank and William Brian Cobb introduced it to me. The second place is called Changing Hands Bookstore and Hillary Anne Clemens introduced it to me.

Check out their website to learn the ins & outs of Gangplank. For me it was a place where like-minded people could roam around. I love every minute of it. I even like walking across the street b/c when you push a button the street lights up along the cross walk.  At Gangplank they have 25¢ soda, old school video games, and presentations (TED style).

There are these collaborate free work spaces. Some start-ups pay for space but mostly you just come and use space.

you can print 3D objects

Everyone has postcard and sticky notes up everywhere

You get to write your name on this card and pick it up everytime you come. I thought it boring to use my normal name and decided on the name Lola....("whatever Lola wants, Lola gets")

This bookstore was overwhelming (in a delightful way) to me. I need to go back and take it in sections. I didn't even really get to the book b/c there was so much eye candy to get through before the books. I did, however, when I was overwhelmed, stop over at the awesome music store next door.

They have all kinds of cards, posters, wall hangings

crazy little things like these

pottery, decorative boxes, etc

metal things, wind chimes, etc

Be whatever you want to be hat rack

Hil wants to be a space cadet

DIY: Chalkboard Update

This is what my Chalkboard Wall looks like now. I LOVE it!

New Friends

I have always thought is kind of mystical or magical making new friends—not just any new friend(s)—the ones you can't believe you haven't had your whole life.

You meet them and it's almost like your souls were friends for a long time before you met. You just get each other.

A few weeks or months go by and someone asks you how you met and it's a little hazy because although you've only been friends for a short time it seems like it's been years.  You both laugh and try to tell the story of when you first actually met but cant really remember.

It's amazing, incredible, and life changing. I am fortunate to have had this happen a few times in my life. It never gets old!

"Bringing Sexy Back"

I love this for many reasons! I love it because it's true no matter how much media and the world try to tell/show us otherwise. I love it because it's real. I love it because it's being said by a prominent figure who understands her influence on others (even if it comes out that she never even said this.)

The other day I was talking to someone about dating/relationships etc.  We were joking around, swapping dating stories, and then someone said something, I think in jest, that I've actually been told (also mostly in jest) before...."Well, maybe if you just lower your standards or dress sexier then you would attract more men."

The first thing that came to my mind was you are right. It probably is true that I would attract more men but that is not what I want. I only need one man.  And while I hope he finds me sexy It won't be because I've lowered my standards or used my body as a sex object. It will be because I have self respect & self love!

Happy 6th Birthday Blog!

How Do You Like Your Eggs?

There is a scene from the movie, "Runaway Bride" that I use to sometimes to help people figure out who they are or who they want to become. Here is part of the scene:

Later Maggie will make all kinds of eggs, try them all, and then choose the kind she likes.

Maggie Carpenter: Benedict.
Ike Graham: Arnold.
Maggie Carpenter: I love Eggs Benedict, I hate every other kind. I hate big weddings with everybody staring. I'd like to get married on a weekday while everybody's at work. And when I ride off into the sunset, I want my own horse.
Ike Graham: Should I be writing this down?

Often I talk with teenagers and their parents or just friends of mine and what they really want, what they are really needing, is to find out who they are—or to rediscover themselves. They need to try the eggs and find the ones they like. Some how they have lost themselves in all the fighting, trying to live, dealing with things (sound familiar??)

When was the last time you did something just for yourself?

"Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"

Today I went to see, "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close" and around every bend of the movie I wanted more. I wanted to hear every characters story. I wanted to sit and just be with the main character. I wanted to hold the hand of the mother and catch her tears. I wanted to exchange notes with the man who was mute. I wanted more. I found myself entranced by the cinematography, then colors, the characters, and of course, the story.

I found myself grieving during the movie and long after. I found myself thinking of my brother Grant. I started thinking about writing a book that was simply a collection of stories—living breathing stories.

I cried. I don't do that a lot in movies, but I did. Not only that but I was still crying on my way out of the theater. I didn't care that people were looking at me. I didn't care that it was only a movie. I simply lived in the moment and for the moment I needed to cry.

This is what an extremely moving and incredibly creative movie can do to the human spirit!

ANASAZI: The Lost Boys

Yesterday I talked with an Anasazi Lost Boy in my office for a few minutes. I had met him before but wasn't quite sure if he was a Lost Boy. After listening to him tell of his travels and wanderlust for a few minutes I knew he was a true blue Lost Boy.

You might be wondering what I'm talking about—and yes I'm referring to the Peter Pan lost boys—but with an Anasazi twist. Let's start at the beginning...

My first day out on the "trail" working for Anasazi was incredible! I was driven in a vehicle to the middle of nowhere, hiked to where the "bands" of TrailWalkers and YoungWalkers were, sat, ate, and talked with them for a while. The first 2 people I met were these blonde-haired-bearded-happy-as-can-be Lost Boys TrailWalkers. They welcomed me into their band—no questions asked—and I knew, right then, I would love my job!

I would go on to date one of those Lost Boys and the other would give me the spoon I still eat with on the trail today. They would make me laugh, do their job in only a way each of them could, and then go and live adventures off the trail. I consider them incredible men and am grateful their friendship. And this is how it goes at Anasazi. Every time an Anasazi Lost Boy shows up, whether it's his first time coming to Anasazi, or his 6th year on & off, I can't wait to hear his story.

Each Anasazi Lost Boy has some scruff, a beard (or one in making), his own unique personality, and a story to rival most people. He has been on many adventures, his heart has been broken, and you can feel that every experience has led him to the man he is becoming. I get so excited to meet new Lost Boys and my heart breaks when they say goodbye.

There was one Anasazi Lost Boy whom I loved almost the moment I met him. He was big and burly. His hair was crazy (and just gets crazier by the day), his beard grew long, and loved to carry a knife w/him wherever he went. These were cool things about him but the thing I instantly noticed and love about him is his heart. His heart no only loves but listens. It is rare to find someone with a listening heart. He has sat with me many times and held my tears and his heart listened to mine. For this and many more reasons I love this Anasazi Lost Boy! Oh, he has crazy stories in his past, he has wandered on the land, but some how he found his way to Anasazi—home of the Lost Boys.

Recently, I went to lunch with 2 Anasazi Lost Boys. They no longer work on the trail, have cut their hair, are going to school, and all other sorts of big boy things but...they are still Anasazi Lost Boys to me! I sat there picturing them all dirty, scruffy, eating mad dog, drinking stream water, and tending to the fire. I am grateful these Lost Boys are my friends.

And so to all the Anasazi Lost Boys whom I love, and those I have yet to meet, I just want you to know that I adore you. I love your stories. I love your scraggly hair and beards. I love your willingness to be at the right place, for the right reason, at the right time. But mostly, I love your hearts!

...But I Prefer Not To Be

It is only fair in response to my blog post, "I'd Rather Be Alone" to write the other side of the coin. While I learned and continue to learn how to be happy and single the truth is—I prefer not to be.

I have never been a big dater. Never one of those girls who got asked out a lot. Don't get me wrong I've had my fair share of dates—good & bad. As a result I haven't had a lot of boyfriends in my 16 years of dating (oh my heavens that is a lot of years of dating—blah).

Some of my boyfriends broke up with me but most I broke up with them. Some ended on amicable terms and some not so much. When I look back over my relationships I've been a part of—some romantic and some best friends—there are some small, yet significant, things I miss a lot when I'm single.

One of my boyfriends used to twist my ring in circles when he was holding my hand.

One time I told my best guy friend that he couldn't talk to me at during the week of finals (I needed to focus and got a little crazy around finals). I got home from school and there was a beautiful bouquet of roses on the table from him. He was just letting me know he cared and wished me well on my finals.

One of my boyfriends could sit with me and laugh, talk, tell stories, for hours. We didn't need to be "doing" something all the time. We thoroughly entertained ourselves.

One of best guy friends had this ability to be so present. He was an incredible listener. I learned to be okay with silence around him.

I had a boyfriend who loved to take walks with me. Sometimes he would hold my hand but other times he would just walk next to me and we would talk.

One of my best guy friends would sit down at the piano and sing with me for hours. It didn't matter how bad the day was once we got singing, and his family would join us, life was better.

These are just a few but I'm sure you get the point and relate in your own way.

When I'm single I miss physical touch. I miss having someone who is invested in me. I miss laughing—the kind you do with someone you feel comfortable with. I miss just being with someone and not needing to say anything. I miss having someone to report to at the end of the day. I miss having a partner in crime or someone with whom to schedule events. I miss being invested in them. I miss finding ways to make them smile, small gifts that matter to them. I miss getting all dressed/dolled up for date nights. There's a lot of things I miss being single.

So lest anyone reading my blog think I am pro single and anti relationship I hope this post helped clarify.

Why I Try Not To Come To Utah

In the short amount of time I have been in UT I have been bombarded by lovely, sappy, in-love super young, couples (some w/adorable cute clothed kiddos). I try really hard to smile, tell myself it's okay that I'm single (you're getting a book published—be happy) but alas...REALLY!!!

They make it look so easy here. It just seems that everyone's doing it. Seriously, find your one true love, get married, have kids—easy peasy. I start to wonder if it's in the water, something in the cold air...I don't know but it makes me almost believe that it just happens here...ha ha.

So, to ease my mind and heart I listen to the 2 songs on repeat A LOT!

I'd Rather Be Alone

A friend of mine wrote an awesome post on his Blog called, "Marrying to be Married." You should read it. He got the idea for his blog post from reading this Blog post titled, "Are you fighting for your marriage or for me?" This post is also an excellent read. Both Blog posts inspired me to write my own version

I'd rather be alone then be someone's trophy.

I'd rather be alone then be a placeholder

I'd rather be alone then stay in a relationship I know I need to end

I'd rather be alone then feel like I need to be self deprecating in order to get a compliment

I'd rather be alone...

I haver learned a few things from my many years of dating. One of the lessons I've learned is that I would rather be alone then be in a relationship that's okay or a marriage out of convenience. Relationships and marriage are work. I want to work with someone who wants to work with me—not against me or for me.

Mannadarlin wrote on her blog, the post I mentioned above, something I believe whole heartedly:"But there is something special about fighting for a person rather than fighting against losing a placeholder like a girlfriend/boyfriend or even just someone to spend time with in your life."

I have lived and seen this in relationships. Sometimes the fear of being alone is stronger than the knowledge or the spiritual promptings you are receiving to get out of a relationship. On the other hand I have been privy and have seen where people, out of fear, aren't willing to fight hard enough for a person in their relationship. Like most things in life—balance is best.

There is no room in this world to settle. No need to lower my standards, my expectations, my hopes, dreams, desires. I know they are not unrealistic so I would rather be alone until they are met!

My friend Daniel wrote on his Blog, also mentioned above, something that is also so very true: "When we finish a relationship, we are often distraught that we are are doomed to futher singledom. But, this is not the case. If the relationship ended, then you weren't meant to be married, and you're overall happier than you would be otherwise. Take everything from your failed relationships, square your shoulders, thank God for your life and health, and then face your next relationship with optimism and hope."

I have found that my best break-ups (though painful) were when I gave it all I had. I dug in. I was myself, weaknesses and all, I listened, I learned, I laughed, I shared, I worked on things I didn't do so well, and so forth. Then, when things didn't go as planned I walked away with my head held high.

I spent a few day crying or moping around—sure (that is healthy) but I didn't beat myself up or wonder unending about what I could have done differently, questioning my weight, my flaws, etc. When it was time I asked my ex-boyfriend what I could have done differently. When it was time I forgave him and myself. When it was time I realized we weren't the best for each other or I put my trust in God that things would work out.

When you are a healthy, whole person and enter a healthy relationship then you can give and take in an amazing manner. Then when you break up it isn't life shattering. You can learn, let go, and move on. You are better for your next relationship.

My Book is getting PUBLISHED!!

For more information check out my Writing Blog!

2011 in Review

2011 had its ups and downs.

Here is the year in review in not particular order:

Got 2 new jobs: Anasazi & E3 Imagine

Went to the Renaissance Festival

Got 2 Henna Tattoos

Went to the World Fest (Beer Fest)

Did a Walk for the America Liver Foundation

Went to Girls Camp

Cut bangs

Kissed a Cowboy

Did the Elpha Challenge

Started a Writing Blog

Re-did my room

Walked into a glass door

Finished writing a book

Painted a Chalkboard Wall

Wicked awesome "Suckerpunch" Halloween costumes w/ the roommates

Slide Rock in Sedona, AZ

I'm looking forward to this next year. I have created a special "Make it Happen" blog for the next year of my life. On this blog you can find my New Year's Resolutions or 32 goals that I want to make happen this next year!

I hope you have an opportunity to thank and love those who make a difference in your life. Here's to the next year! Happy New Years!

Kigatsuku & Kaizen

Two of my favorite Japanese words are Kigatsuku & Kaizen. Kigatsuku means “an inner spirit to act without being told what to do.” (Chieko N. Okazaki). Kaizen means "improvement", or "change for the better" and refers to a philosophy or practices that focus upon continuous improvement of processes.

Here at E3 Imagine we believe in both philosophies at our very core! Each person on our team has worked very hard, brought with them their unique skills and abilities, and everyone has strived for the betterment of the whole. We are always coming up with new ideas, new ways to implement those ideas, and how to spread our message to the world.

Today is our LAUNCH DAY and we are very excited to offer you a FREE sample ebook. We also have 2 new ebooks available for purchase.






Please enjoy this wonderful video and Come back in the Spring of 2012 for our printed books!

DIY:Chalkboard Wall

I'm not into crafts that much or DIY Projects but the other day I was sitting with a Young Walker (teenage client) and she said, "Your office is boring." I laughed (I just moved in) and then asked her what she would do with my office if she could. She suggested I paint one of my walls with Chalkboard paint. I loved the idea and thus it became.

Here is my office wall before.

Here's the midway point...the symbol is a heart at peace.

Here is my finished Chalkboard Wall!!

This project was really easy and cheap. I bought 2 small cans of Rust-Oleum Chalkboard paint, a roller brush, and a paint pan for $30.00. I have a ton of paint left over for other projects. 


It didn't take me too long to pain the wall (lots of coats) and then I waited the allotted 4 hours before I could put on the 2nd coat of paint. I am really excited for it dry completely so I can write on it.

My "Trail Week"

I took a "trail week" this week. What does that mean (you may be asking)? Well, I work for an incredible organization called Anasazi. We are a wilderness therapy organization and we work with incredible families and their children. I am a therapist at Anasazi and absolutely LOVE my job.

My contract as a therapist ran out and so I was training and working on skills so that I could go out on the trail as a Trail Walker. (As a side note some of the trail walkers I have met at Anasazi are the most incredible, real, and talented people I know.) A Trail Walker goes out on the trail for 8 days (Wed-Wed) and is off the trail for 6 days. When they are out on the trail there is no contact with the "world." They don't have cell phones, computers, ipods, etc. They have what they can carry on their backs and nature—it is an unreal and unbelievable experience.

Well, as life would have it I was re-hired as a Therapist at Anasazi before I could be a trail walker. So I decided that I would take a "trail week" this past week. I didn't get on Facebook, watch TV, listen to music in my care, etc. I even gave my phone to friend for a few days. In essence, I tried to get away from the world for 8 days. As a result here are a few things I learned:

• I am much more effective with my time with no distractions
• I am able to do things I love (play piano, read, have long chats w/friends) when I make time for them
• I am completely disconnected to the outside world and therefore miss important details
• It became apparent that I miss certain people 
• My thoughts are more focused and in tune with God's will
• The world didn't stop or end without me online (ha ha I knew this was true already)
• I felt the spirit more and felt more guided.
• Some media is not bad and actually really needed for me in my life
• It is an inconvenience for people in my life for me to be disconnected
• I was able to listen much better with less distractions and less noise
• Rejection means you put something out there (received my first book rejection)
• I need to for sure take more "trail weeks"

The biggest thing I noticed is how happy I could be with so little. I found myself driving down the road, sun shining on my face, and smiling. I am so blessed.

Fractured Faith

In the past few months of my life I have had a few key thoughts, lines of a song, scriptures, etc running through my mind:

"Fear ye not, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord...The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." (Exodus 14: 13-14)

"Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom, lead Thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; lead Thou me on! Keep Thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me." (Hymn #97)

"Lord, I believe; help Thou mine unbelief." (Matthew 9:24)

"Be not afraid, only believe." (Mark 5:36)

You can probably see the pattern.  I have been lacking faith and patience in my own life. As a therapist I spend my days listening to others peoples problems, sorrows, etc. I try to exhort patience, empathy, sympathy, and a listening ear. When I get home and need to deal with my personal life I find I have no patience left for myself. I wrestling with the Lord and want Him to make things happen in my life that I think will make me happy. 


I want a regular, adult-like job, where I get paid a salary and I don't have to scrip to pay my rent and feed myself. I want a man in my life who wants to be with me, who I confide in, who will protect me from the world, and listen to my heart. I want the Lord to fix/stop the hurting hearts of those around me that I adore. I have the hardest time watching people I love suffer.


After I have thrashed around enough with God and I'm exhausted the above words come to my heart and mind. I KNOW of their truth and comfort but for whatever reason I can't seem to let them in. To borrow a phrase from one of my mentors (Chris Wallace)—I have "Fractured Faith."


I don't want that kind of faith. I want the faith that moves mountains, parts the sea, closes the mouths of lions, and raises people from the dead. I want a Fortress of Faith! I want to be believing. I want to be patient. I want to be happy with one step of light ahead of me instead of wanting the entire path to be lit. So I been really trying to be present in my life. I have tried really hard to be vulnerable, open, honest, and more patient with myself. I continue to fail but try again.


To help I decided to start what I call a Patience Project.

I never grew up in a family that puts puzzles together. We pretty much all have ADHD and this would have never happened in our family. So I never really got the value of puzzles. Then a good friend of mine, Lincoln, introduced me to the magic of puzzles. It is less about the puzzle (though they are awesome—especially if they glow-in-the-dark) and more about the entire experience. Sometimes it's about the people you put the puzzle together with and other times it's just about slowing down and using your hands to create. To me a 1000 piece puzzle= patience.

My patience project is about time I set aside for me. It is time I let other things drop out of my life. It is time to be creative and practice patience. Don't get me wrong this puzzle is also frustrating to me. The puzzle I chose is 87% blue pieces and I have no idea how I am going to put it together but I always remind myself, like life, one piece at a time, one step at a time. When it gets too frustrating I leave it alone next to my bed and do something else. But lately, I find myself more and more comfortable sitting down with my patience project puzzle.

How old are you?

To my friends who are no longer allowed in "singles wards":

So I was in the stall at church and there were these two girls talking about age and how old was old and such.

"So at what age do you think you will feel old if you're not married?" Asked one of the girls and before the other girl could answer she continued. "I always thought that if I reached 26 and I wasn't married that I'd feel really old (yes she did make the emphasis). It means that you are no longer in your early 20's but now in your late 20's. I just dread being 26."

"Yeah, I'm a little worried about turning 25—I'm not excited about that, but at least I have a few years before I have to worry about that."

I'm sure they said more but I was stuck thinking...I am 5 years (and closer to 32 by the day) older than the girl's dreaded "old" age. I waited until the girls left the bathroom and then laughed to myself and wanted to tell those girls—married—not married you are going to get older and if you are dreading it—it's gonna be rough!

Forever Strong Principles

I wrote this a year ago but for whatever reason didn't post it so I thought it pertinent in my life to post it today.


Tonight instead of partying up for Halloween I stayed home sick. I decided to watch the movie, "Forever Strong" and thought it was a great movie. Highland Rugby Coach Larry Gelwix had some inspirational quotes that are called Gelwixism:

“Good decisions don’t make life easy, but they do make it easier.”

“The true test of a man is what he will do when no one will know.”

“The essence of a lie is not the words you choose, but the message you convey.”

“If you lose your integrity, you’ve lost everything.”

“I want you to be forever strong on the field, so that you will be forever strong off the field.”

In the Bonus section of the movie (yes I'm a nerd and checked that section out) Coach Gelwix shares 6 of his principles. I love them and try to live them. 

Don't Play with Snakes

Don't Lie

Don't Do Anything to Embarrass Your Family

Attitude and Effort are Everything

Choose Wisely

Focus on the Final Score

Being In Tune

My roommate Alycesun said this comment, "Being in tune is so much better than being a big thing...being, seeing, feeling—much better." I like that

Anasazi Skills Camp & Fire Council

• The past 3 days I have been living in the wilderness with Anasazi. It was really awesome. I learned all kinds of new skills. I went out on the trail M-W. I figured I'd use the time to learn things about being on the trail I didn't know so I would be ready to TW in Nov.
  
  We had 3 stations the 3 different bands rotated on Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday we did all the setting up and making the spots look great and set up tarps for shade etc.
  
  Station 1: (T-Bird/Brittany)
  Tuesdays—T-Bird taught beading on a loom and we all made these awesome beaded bracelets.
  
  Wednesday—Brittany taught leather sewing and we mad these little purse bag things. I didn't actually get to do this b/c I was doing my therapy sessions.
  
  Station 2: (Thomas)
  Thomas did pottery both days and taught about the different stages of making, burnishing, painting, and baking the pottery. I'm excited to get my pottery back!
  
  Station 3: (Spencer)
  Tuesday— Spencer taught us how to make Antler handled knives.
  
  Wednesday—Spencer/ Hannah taught us how to make sheaths for our knives. I also did't get to do this b/c I was doing a therapy session. Spencer told me he would teach me how to do it later so I can sheath my antler handled frost.
  
  Fire Council:
  Wednesday night we had a fire council first for the girls & boys band and then next for the Sinagua band. It was really awesome. Ezekiel, his wife, Lehi, Rachel, and Moroni Sanchez were there.
  
  We had tiki torches leading them into the council, staff had their faces painted, and the spirit was really strong. One girl YW & one boy YW tried busting to start the fire (gift of light) but neither of them, after trying in the dark for a long time, could bust. So we borrowed a coal from another fire and then had them do the tender bundle part and eventually we had this huge bonfire.
  
  Then Ezekiel and Pauline both talked and told these great stories. Pauline signed in Navajo as Rachel sang a song. Then we closed the council with giving everyone a necklaced. Afterward the YWs and their TWs were given hot chocolate in their cups (it was really cold and they loved it).
  
  The second fire council was a bit different but same idea. It was pretty incredible to be a part of the skills camp and fire council. Even though I was freezing at night I really love being out on the trail and look forward to being a Trail Walker.

  

  I learned how to build a shelter from a tarp

  
  

  

  I learned to make lots of different food recipes in my cup

  
  

  

  I made an antler handled knife

  
  

  

  This is the necklace I received at the end of Fire Council

  
  

  

  I beaded this bracelet on a loom. the acronym stands for Listen More Talk Less

  
  

  

  This is the fish trap I made from willow

  
  

Start Something That Matters

Today I saw this video when I was checking out TOMS website. I felt inspired. I went and bought Blake's book, "Start Something That Matters," and I read it in one sitting. It is full of inspiration and fabulous ideas. You should read it!

And so...


I want to introduce you to a new organization that is truly doing something that matters. I'm currently a volunteer for this brilliant, beautiful, and inspiring company.


E3 Imagine  is an educational organization that follows TOMS One forOne model. For every children's book you buy we will give a child a book. I am working on the humanitarian side of things but we are involved in schools, travel, education, and most importantly doing something that matters. Check out E3 Imagine!!

Okay isn't my niece Eden the cutest girl ever!!!!

The Room Whisperer

My roommate Alycesun Marie Clare is seriously wicked awesome and talented. She has a gift for design and she is a room whisperer. She has organized and decorated my room twice and both times I have absolutely LOVED it! 

My room was in a serious need of change both from an organizational point of view and from a Feng Shui/Chi feel. So the other night my roommates helped me take everything out of my room and start from scratch. Alycesun helped to open up a lot of space in my room (we got rid of my dresser) and make it so that it had a lot more space for positive chi flow. I love it! Check out some of the details:

I told her she could move anything and put up anything but I had to have my cork board.
 She added the records b/c I love music and this is my Creative Wall.

Alycesun actually made the "Make it Happen" sign for me.
 It is currently my life motto. This is my Affirmation Wall or the wall that helps remind me to simplify, relax, love, and enjoy life! 

I had never been a big pillow girl before but Alycesun convinced me that I would love having lots of pillow on my bed and she was most definitely right. My bed is now the center and focal point of my room. Don't worry there will be more pillows in the future. I am looking for the perfect lime green pillow.

This is my Travel Wall.  Alycesun actually made the 4 Italy framed pictures.
 I love this black & white picture often called "The Kiss."
The bottom photo is by Brad Burnham.

This is my workspace area and as such is the most cluttered. This is my Pear Wall. Alycesun did such a great job of incorporating the lime green color all throughout my room. She was able to recycle a lot of the things I already had up on my walls. The plaque above my computer says Harmony and check out how big my bamboo plant is growing.

I can't even begin to tell you the trouble that this little white bookshelf caused all of us. I think we moved it a gazillion times. I couldn't part with it though because my emeritus best friend gave it to me and it means a lot to me. Besides that I have a lot of books and they need a home. Check out my awesome purple globe—thanks Miranda!

Do you want an appointment with the Room Whisperer?

Now that you have seen some of her handy work let me tell you how she can bring magic into your life. Alycesun can breathe new life into any room. Does your office space need some re-organizing? Does your bedroom need a face-lift? Do you just need to breathe new life into your house? Alycesun does things on a budget and you will love what she can do. Let me know if you are interested?

Men of Valor

Part of being a 31 year old single adult in the Mormon church is people trying to figure out why you are not married. If they love you, think you are talented and beautiful, then it must not be anything you are doing wrong but it must be that the guys in the church are "stupid, lazy, crazy...." and so forth. I can't tell you how many times I have heard this excuse. It's as if people, in their need to comfort me, feel that putting down the men of the church, will make me feel better. Sure there are men out there who are lazy, stupid, and all the other words I have heard preached to me but there are also men of valor.

There are men who stop whatever they are doing at midnight to come and give my roommate a blessing. There are men who leave everything in their life behind to serve extremely hard and amazing awesome missions. There are men who love their wives with all their hearts. There are men who give their children Father's blessings, school blessings, and blessings for the sick. There are men who mow lawns, paint walls, hold hands with their girlfriends, sit through Sunday School, and use the Priesthood of God. There are men who actually date. There are men who listen, serve where they are needed, and put God first in their lives. I LOVE these men!

A while back I worked at a Domestic Violence Shelter as a therapist for victims of DV and their children. I listen in horror as these women told their stories of violence. I saw the bruises on their bodies, I hear the anguish in their voices, and spend time with their traumatized children. At the same, to gain a balanced perspective I was also working with the offenders of DV crimes. I sat in groups with men who had committed heinous crimes and listened as they described violence unspeakable by their own hands. I tried to be professional but there were moments when I wanted to throw-up because of the things some of these men had done. They were at various stages of change and I prayed before, during, and after every group that I would be able to see these men as children of God. Every time the group was over I called my father, who I love with all my heart, to tell him I love him and thank him for being such a wonderful man. Then I would call my best friend to him how much I appreciate his goodness.  I knew that if I let myself I would end up hating men after going to those horrible groups—instead I chose to love the valiant men in my life.

And so while I do get frustrated waiting for a man in my life, and while I sometimes laugh or nod in agreement when people place the blame for my singleness on men, I need everyone to know that I know there are men of valor out there. I know there are men who love God, who are trying to chose the right in the face evil. I know there are men who abhor pornography, say no to drugs, serve others, and work hard. I know there are men who love their mothers, respect their fathers, and treat their sisters like queens. I know there are men who read their scriptures, say their prayers, and show up at the temple.

And so tonight, for whatever reason, I want to thank the men of valor in my life. Thank you for putting God first. Thank you for seeing the good in me. Thank you for being a man that I can trust, love, look up to, and believe in.

Sanctify Yourselves

Grief

A big part of the new fiction novel I'm writing is about grief, loss, love, healing, and how when tragedy strike things get all jumbled up. Faith falters, people rise to occasion or they crumble under the stress. Everyone grieves differently.

It is strange the things you remember in times of deep dispair. I remember the week my brother died that we go so much food that it was rotting on our counter b/c we couldn't fit it into our fridge. I remember literally praying that people would stop bringing over flowers b/c they just ended up dying all over our house. I remember thinking that I hated people b/c they said the stupidest things in the most inappropriate times. I remember wishing someone would help my sister find a way to sleep b/c she had been awake for days on end. These are the things I was thinking about b/c the alternative, at the time, was too painful.

As I write about grief I it is hard to go back there—to the funeral, the days before, the days after. I have always wanted to write something that had to do with healing and hope that this new book will do it justice.

For those of you who have grieved and stood on the precipice of despair I am wondering what random thoughts consumed your mind and heart. I want to capture grief in its most naked and vulnerable state. If you are willing to share I would appreciate your feedback.

Traces of Memories

In general I have a terrible memory. Like my mom used to always say, "If it isn't on the calendar then it doesn't happen." I have to write things down, blog, keep a journal in order for me to remember important events in my life. However, I find that when a memory is shared with someone I love sometimes it attaches itself to something else, like an object, smell, song, etc. and is vividly remembered later. Let me share some examples.

The other day I wore a BYU hat that belonged to my brother Grant. A friend of my, noticing my hat, said, "Wow, that is old school." Almost instantly memories of my brother cheering for BYU in the Lavell Edwards Stadium flooded my mind. It's almost as if the memory of my brother and BYU games are imprinted on that hat.

Years ago a boyfriend of mine, at the time, asked me what my favorite smell was (up to that moment I don't think I had ever been asked that question before) and so I thought about it for a while. I told him I loved the smell of Lemon Trees in San Diego. A while later he went to CA for a photography shoot and when he returned he gave me a plate (in the shape of a green leaf) that had lemons hand-picked from a Lemon Tree. Whenever I smell lemons I think of that loving gesture.

I love trains! I think I have always loved them. One time my sister and I drove out to Fort Bridger, WY to visit some friends. While we were there we rode horses and then when it got dark we loaded up in a truck and drove to the middle of nowhere. We got out of the truck and were herded into this cave-like place to wait. We were instructed to hold onto something sturdy. So I did and all of a sudden I heard the loudest sounds rushing over me and everything was shaking, like an earthquake. Then there were sparks flying around me and it was wicked awesome. Before I could wrap my head around what had just happened the train was rushing away. We had been sitting underneath the rail road tracks. Whenever I see a train I think of that exhilarating moment.

Sometimes a shared memory can transform an ordinary experience or place into something magical. There is a movie theater near my house that my roommates and I go to often. One day I went there to watch a movie with my boyfriend at the time. The movie was good—though I don't remember much about it but afterwards we were holding hands, laughing, and just talking with each other. We stood there talking and laughing in the parking lot for ages and then I sat on the trunk of my car and we kissed, like we were 2 teenagers, shamelessly while cars honked their horns and people whistled. I can't help but smile whenever I am in that movie theater parking lot.

I'm not a huge ice cream or chocolate fan but when I was living in Jerusalem for my study abroad I was introduced to this ice cream, Carmel, chocolate dream on a stick called, Magnum Bars. I fell in love and wanted to know what the secret ingredient was that made it taste like a piece of heaven. Well they have now come to the states and when I see them through the window of the freezer section at the store I can't help but connect them to Jerusalem and all my incredible memories there.

My mom's dad died when I was 8 years old but I loved him more than my little body could handle. I don't remember hardly anything about him but I think of him whenever I get the urge to pour water on someone. Whenever I was at his house he would fill a tall glass of water and drink it all except for a little bit in the bottom of his glass. Then, when I would least expect it, he would sneak up and pour it on my head. I am sure he had no idea what those moments/memories would hold for me.

There are so many more to share and write down but you get the idea. Sometimes when we share moments, even the simplest things, with those we love traces of those memories are captured in ordinary objects or moments in time where your heart takes a picture. No longer is a lemon just a lemon or an ice cream bar just a treat. They are forever changed and harbor some of our most cherished memories.

Today I am grateful for the ordinary things, places, smells, people, etc. that hold traces of priceless memories!