Thursday, June 28, 2012

Sit In & Own Your Stuff

As an adolescent therapist I often talk to teenagers and their parents about sitting with or in their stuff. I also talk about them owning their stuff. All this garble is to say you don't have control of others only of yourself. I believe this sentiment whole heartedly.

In the last few days I have allowed myself to sit in and own my stuff. I have been miserable. There are a few significant changes that have happen lately, one of which is me moving to a new place with new roommates. I am also sick and not feeling well at all.

I hardly slept at all Monday night and fought the urge to call in sick for Tuesday a gazillion times. Tuesdays are trail days at my job and just about impossible to miss (and I was sitting with another Shadow's clients too.) So I sucked it up and head to work at 6 am.

I told myself, "Self, you don't have to be happy or comfortable, you don't have play nice or fake it. What you do have to be is professional and own your stuff. You need to be present in your sessions, focus on your YoungWalkers/SinaguaWalkers, and listen. Everything else if fair game.

And so I was miserable on the 4 hour drive out to the trail and miserable on the 4 hour drive back ( I mostly slept—thank you driver.) When people asked me how I am the past few days I tell them the truth. I am not well—but I will get there. They don't really know what to do with me. I am dependable, most of the time, as the happy-see life in a positive view-kind of person. When life is hard for me people don't know how to react. They feel the need to fix me, or save me, or something similar.  I don't need any of those things. I just need to Sit In & Own My Stuff.

I am taking my own advice. I am living in the present. I am not feeling well but I will get there. I have so many blessings and people who love me. I am grateful for so many things.

So if you run into me in the next few days just know things will get better, I will stop feeling sick, and I am grateful for your love and concern!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Heart Pictures Jar

The other night I had this idea—clear as if it was memory that had already happened. I was writing on a piece of paper a heart picture moment—a moment in time that your heart takes a picture and wants to remember and hold onto forever. After writing on a piece of paper I put it in this glass jar. The label on the jar said, "Heart Pictures."

So I bought a jar. I labeled it. I wrote a heart picture moment. I love that one day my jar will be filled with special moments!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

w/o the Benefits

I bought a "house" (my student loan) w/o the benefits of having a house.

I have pregnant swollen feet (ants attached them & I'm allergic) w/o the benefits of being pregnant

I don't like this pattern...