Thursday, April 20, 2006
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
There is a very real vision statement in my life: Make it happen or let it go! I did this when I moved out to Boston from Provo. I had wanted to move to the East coast for a few years. I finally realized if it was going to happen I needed to make it happen or let it go, thus the vision statement.
Most things in my life have a song that explains my feeling much better. The day before I flew out here my best frien, Alan played a song for me that made my heart happy. It is from Little Women the Musical. The song is called "Astonishing." I will quote a part of it here to describe for you the euphoria and empowerment (not to mention the blessings) that come when you make things happen in your life.
"I've got to know if I can be
There's a life that I am meant to lead,
Alive like mothing I have known.
I can feel it and it's far from here.
I've got to find it on my own.
Even now I feel its heat upon my skin.
A life of passion that pulls me from within.
A life that I am aching to begin.
There must be somewhere I can be
Here I go and there's no turning back.
My great adventure has begun.
I may be small but I've got giant plans
To shine as brightly as the sun.
I will blaze until I find my time and place,
I will be fearless, surrendering modest and grace.
I will not disappear without a trace.
I'll shout and start a riot,
Be anything but quiet.
Christopher Columbus, I'll be astonishing.
In learning to let go I am finding the things that matter the most to me and discovering things I never knew existed. I truly believe in this new vision statement of mine...Make it Happen or Let it Go!
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Let me start at the beginning. So Seth Wood decided to take K. Marie and I to a special spot of his in East Boston. So we drove (very fast) in his hot convertable with the top down to his special place. It was wonderful and once we got there the water was beautiful and so was the view of Boston. Seth noticed that the tide had risen and so some of the rocks to walk out at this certain spot were covered with water (this should have been our first clue). Marie was wearing flip flops and had started to roll up her pants to walk anyway. She asked Seth and I if we wanted to go to the rock hill anyway- and all we had to do was take off our shoes and socks. Then I said those fated words above...
Once we got to the rock hill we just sat there for a long time and talk and looked out at the harbor and Boston. After a little while I got cold and it was time to go. We all three turned around and quickly noticed that there were no more rocks to be seen. I think we all panicked a little bit. The rocks were still pretty shallow but completely covered with water. Remember that at this point it was cold, dark, and about 12:00 am. So we all started stumbling on the slippery rocks (some more than others). I actually fell a bunch of times and got pretty wet. I do have the excuse that I hurt my ankle rock climbing the other day and wasn't as steady as usual.
After a few minutes of trying to make it back to shore Seth and I realized our shoes were gone. It didn't take too long to see where they had floated off to. They were floating away in the water in front and to the Left of us. At this point I was just about completly soaking wet... so it just made sense to swim out and rescue our shoes. I think I shocked both Seth And K. Marie.
So there I was swimming in the Boston Harbor (Ocean) at 12:30 am and rescuing our shoes. Mind you that it was freezing, but funny as heck. I did get our shoes and I survived the water and all!
My feet were really hurting after I got home so I sat down to look at them and found a lot of huge cuts and gashes on the bottoms of my feet and on the toes. I guess I got all cut up when I was walking on the rocks (more like falling off) but my feet were so cold I didn't know they were getting cut.
So, needless to say, we did make memories tonight --very great ones.
ps I think that we need to have lots more Magic Bullet parties!
Friday, April 14, 2006
So I know this is obvious but I want to go on a little tirade about human interaction and communication. We have so many ways of communicating these days: cell phones, email, IM, letters, tv, etc. The recent trend is to find ways in which to have less and less human interaction. Now don't get me wrong, before I get on my soap box (that was for Amy and Micheal Adam), I am a fan of the email/cell phone communication. I do like to talk to people the "fast way", but I love talking to people the good old fashion way-face to face.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
I am thinking of getting a ferret off craigslist. I was talking about this with my roommate K. Marie and we were discussing pets of all sorts. I said to her, "Have you ever wanted to have a pet monkey? Everyone secretly wants a monkey or at least they did at one point"---and she burst out laughing ( does anyone else notice a trend of this happening to me). She looked at me very strangely. It's true though, I mean at some point I think I ask almost all my friends (randomly I don't know why) that very question and I don't think I've met a person yet, that doesn't secretly or openely want a monkey as a pet.
As I got to thinking of this I just started coming up with pets for various friends of mine. for instance I really think that deep down inside my K. Marie wants a unicorn (you can see this manifest in her artwork). I think "our Finnish friend" wants a lizard. I do belive that though she would never admit- and might not even know this- my friend Amy wants a Leopard Gecko with teal over his eyes. As for my friend Luke...I think the he wants a parakeet for practicality sake, but secretly he really wants a penguin. Ma I have no idea what pet you secretly harbor feelings for but I know that you need, actually NEED to have a tarantual for a least a little while some time in your life (I highly recommend this to everyone, they are fascinating creatures).
Anyway, what pet do you secretly want to have (remember that once your respond to this it won't be a secret anymore...ha ha!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
I guess what I'm saying is that when you love something you just want to share it with everyone you know. This is of course true when it comes to the gospel also.
I got on the T today oblivious of anyone around me. I usually love getting on the T, watching people, trying to write their stories in my mind, but not today. I was running late, the bus took forever getting me to the T, and I was behind in work because I didn't go yesterday due to sickness....I am amazed at God's timing!
As I was getting situated in my seat on the T (I even had my headphones on) this little old lady next to me tapped me on my shoulder and asked me if I was Mormon? I took off my headphones and stared at her (as if I had heard her wrong). So she repeated, " Are you Mormon? I saw your book in your bag?" I was startled and pulled out my military copy of the Book of Mormon. "This" I nodded in her direction. "Oh, yes I've had some young gentlemen try to convert me with that book before."--At this point I realized that we were going to discuss this- missionary work- right here, right now, on the T, when I was least ready...
My natural reaction was, "So what did you think?" She smiled up at me and sort of laughed, "They did a good job trying to convert me". There was that awful word, convert, again. It seemed to me that she was saying it in such a negative way. I wondered....
She went back to paying little attention to me, but I was curious so after a few minutes of looking like I was reading, I tapped her on the shoulder. "Ma'am, were they kind, the young men?" She smiled at me again and said, "Well, yes dear. In fact I have been visited by a few of them since my first visit."---okay this was good so then I said, "You can't blame them can you?" She looked puzzled and asked, "Blame them for what?" (exactly the reaction I had wanted)..."You can't blame them for wanting to share something they love!" She laughed out loud (really she did) and her laugh seemed to break any awkwardness that had existed.
I talked about serving a mission myself (she was surprised that girls served missions) and for just a brief moment our hearts connected. Boy, did God teach me on the T today that it is so not about me!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
..."At some point in our lives, we learn that to really discover who we are, we have to go through the process of losing ourselves to find ourselves; in the moment when everything drops out and disappears, suddenly from within we begin to forge a new and greater understanding of who we are. It is when we seek above ourselves, beyond ourselves, that we most truly find ourselves."
I was talking to my K. Marie last night about the acceptance of loss. Loss comes in a variety of fashions. Most people only think to grieve over the loss of someone who dies, but Rabbi David Wolpe, in his book, "Making Loss Matter" writes about 6 different kinds of loss. He makes a case for loss in Home, Dreams, Self (the quote about is from that chapter), Love, Faith, and Life.
"Dreams can ennoble us even when they fail, even when they are lost, even when we let them go. Each dream can be a step on the ladder we climb in order to become the person we were meant to be."
Loss happens with all of us. We move, we love someone who doesn't love us back, we change jobs, we finish school and so much more. I have learned from Rabbi Wolpe that we don't make loss matter enough in life. We rarely take the time to actually grieve for the things we lose.
"The Sassover Rebbe said that he learned the meaning of love from overhearing a conversation between two villagers. One asked the other, "Do you love me?" The second replied, "I love you deeply." The first asked, "Do you know, my friend, what gives me pain?" The second protested the he could not possible know. "If you do not know what gives me pain, " lamented the first, "How can you say you love me?"
I am not suggesting that we all have a pity party or go around lamenting our losses all the time, in fact quite the opposite. Take the necissary time to grieve, then move past. Take what you need with you and leave the rest behind.
"Understanding that we can make loss meaningful is not the same as being glad that loss happened."