Friday, January 13, 2012

I'd Rather Be Alone

A friend of mine wrote an awesome post on his Blog called, "Marrying to be Married." You should read it. He got the idea for his blog post from reading this Blog post titled, "Are you fighting for your marriage or for me?" This post is also an excellent read. Both Blog posts inspired me to write my own version

I'd rather be alone then be someone's trophy.
I'd rather be alone then be a placeholder
I'd rather be alone then stay in a relationship I know I need to end
I'd rather be alone then feel like I need to be self deprecating in order to get a compliment
I'd rather be alone...

I haver learned a few things from my many years of dating. One of the lessons I've learned is that I would rather be alone then be in a relationship that's okay or a marriage out of convenience. Relationships and marriage are work. I want to work with someone who wants to work with me—not against me or for me.

Mannadarlin wrote on her blog, the post I mentioned above, something I believe whole heartedly:"But there is something special about fighting for a person rather than fighting against losing a placeholder like a girlfriend/boyfriend or even just someone to spend time with in your life."
I have lived and seen this in relationships. Sometimes the fear of being alone is stronger than the knowledge or the spiritual promptings you are receiving to get out of a relationship. On the other hand I have been privy and have seen where people, out of fear, aren't willing to fight hard enough for a person in their relationship. Like most things in life—balance is best.

There is no room in this world to settle. No need to lower my standards, my expectations, my hopes, dreams, desires. I know they are not unrealistic so I would rather be alone until they are met!

My friend Daniel wrote on his Blog, also mentioned above, something that is also so very true: "When we finish a relationship, we are often distraught that we are are doomed to futher singledom. But, this is not the case. If the relationship ended, then you weren't meant to be married, and you're overall happier than you would be otherwise. Take everything from your failed relationships, square your shoulders, thank God for your life and health, and then face your next relationship with optimism and hope."

I have found that my best break-ups (though painful) were when I gave it all I had. I dug in. I was myself, weaknesses and all, I listened, I learned, I laughed, I shared, I worked on things I didn't do so well, and so forth. Then, when things didn't go as planned I walked away with my head held high.

I spent a few day crying or moping around—sure (that is healthy) but I didn't beat myself up or wonder unending about what I could have done differently, questioning my weight, my flaws, etc. When it was time I asked my ex-boyfriend what I could have done differently. When it was time I forgave him and myself. When it was time I realized we weren't the best for each other or I put my trust in God that things would work out.

When you are a healthy, whole person and enter a healthy relationship then you can give and take in an amazing manner. Then when you break up it isn't life shattering. You can learn, let go, and move on. You are better for your next relationship.


Geoffrey said...

I agree. It is far better to be unhappily single than unhappily married. I completely understand the feeling of loss when things don't work out. Though, I will say, after almost 14 years, that NOTHING beats happily married. Good article; great attitude.

Yūyō Erufu said...

Than NOT then... "I'd rather .... than ....". What you have actually written reads:
"I'd rather be alone then [at some point after that] be someone's trophy", which I'm sure is not what you meant at all!