Saturday, September 17, 2011


A big part of the new fiction novel I'm writing is about grief, loss, love, healing, and how when tragedy strike things get all jumbled up. Faith falters, people rise to occasion or they crumble under the stress. Everyone grieves differently.

It is strange the things you remember in times of deep dispair. I remember the week my brother died that we go so much food that it was rotting on our counter b/c we couldn't fit it into our fridge. I remember literally praying that people would stop bringing over flowers b/c they just ended up dying all over our house. I remember thinking that I hated people b/c they said the stupidest things in the most inappropriate times. I remember wishing someone would help my sister find a way to sleep b/c she had been awake for days on end. These are the things I was thinking about b/c the alternative, at the time, was too painful.

As I write about grief I it is hard to go back there—to the funeral, the days before, the days after. I have always wanted to write something that had to do with healing and hope that this new book will do it justice.

For those of you who have grieved and stood on the precipice of despair I am wondering what random thoughts consumed your mind and heart. I want to capture grief in its most naked and vulnerable state. If you are willing to share I would appreciate your feedback.

1 comment:

smiliesar said...

Not sure if this is what you want but this is what came to my mind:
When I go the news my Aunt, who was like a grandma to me being 24 years older than my dad, had a heart attack (I believe)I crumbled. I fell apart thinking God wouldn't do this to me. He wouldn't take her. Not from me. I remember throwing myself on the bed and PLEADING to the Lord to let her live. She HAD to live. I knew he could do it. As the days passed she was on life support just until her sister could fly in from the East Coast to say good bye. We were told she wouldn't live once it was removed. A miracle happened and she lived. I was amazed at God's mercy. I went with my mother to visit her at the nursing home/care center. I expected "my" Aunt to be there. Instead there was this frail lady who didn't know who we were. The loving "grandmother" was missing. It was hard for me realizing that God had saved her for me...but I felt TERRIBLE for wishing her to remain behind and be in the state she was. "She" wasn't there any more. Just her body was. I realized the day I cried and pleaded with the Lord to Save my Aunt was the same day I did truly loose her. As we left my aunt I said another prayer that He could take her home. She died a couple days later. For me it was a gift that God gave me to know that HE is the ultimate one in charge. He's mindful of me and my hearts desires but knows truly what is best. At her funeral it was truly a celebration of her life and I was grateful that God had taken her home where she could be who she rightfully is/was instead of being a time of morning her loss since I knew it was really her time to go home.